“The cancer treatment is worse than the disease.” You may think this while or after you struggle with cancer treatments, develop complications following treatments, or suffer permanent problems as a result of them. Is it true?

Despite what you may think, cancer treatment is not worse than the disease. The fundamental fact is that most people with cancer who forgo treatment die from their disease. Without treatment, cancer is not only chronic but also terminal. Cancer treatment has allowed you to avoid a life of pain or debility because of progressive cancer. It has given you a chance for a longer life.

Cancer treatments have progressed dramatically over the past few decades, transforming cancer from a near-certain death sentence to one of the most treatable and curable chronic diseases. Encouraged by the successes, doctors have offered patients increasingly more intensive therapies, such as high-dose chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant. And their strategy has paid off. For the first time there exists a huge population of long-term cancer survivors.

But this undeniable success has been won at some cost. Much to survivors’ surprise and disappointment, it is very common to experience ongoing and new symptoms and medical problems after treatments are successfully completed. A small but significant percentage of cancer survivors, though cured of their cancer, live the rest of their lives with permanent medical problems. Another small but significant percentage of long-term survivors develop new medical problems, even new cancers, that are directly related to their prior cancer treatments.

The problem is that many people try to see their cancer as a short-term, temporary disease. When people expect surviving cancer to be like surviving a bout of viral meningitis or a broken leg, they find it hard to deal with longer-term problems related to cancer or its treatment. This view of cancer makes people feel that the cure is worse than the disease. A more realistic view of cancer would help.

Cancer is a chronic disease, like heart disease, arthritis, diabetes, asthma, or kidney stones. For some people, minor changes in lifestyle and regular checkups are all that is required. For them the chronic disease has little impact on daily life, and it is easy to forget about the disease. For others the disease profoundly affects every sphere of daily life. In all cases knowledge helps people improve their quality of life and, possibly, lengthen their lives.

The more you learn about the prevention, recognition, and treatment of medical problems, the more you can do to stay healthy. This holds true for anyone living with chronic disease.

Consider the story of two young men in the intensive care unit with their first heart attack.

The first man was very cooperative, but as soon as he was well enough, he wanted to leave without hearing any more about his heart problem. He said that he did not want to worry about his heart for the rest of his life. He promised to be faithful with his checkups and stress tests, believing that his doctors would pick up any significant changes. With his diet and smoking habits unchanged, he was at risk for recurrent heart attacks. Moreover, he did not know how to recognize problems. A year later he developed pain-free shortness of breath when he climbed the stairs. He thought he was tired that day or might be coming down with a cold. He did not worry about it, let alone call his doctor. He thought he had to have chest pain if he had a heart problem. That night he suffered a massive heart attack.

The other man made every effort to learn about his heart disease. He made changes in his diet, exercise program, work schedule, and over-the-counter medications to minimize his risk of future heart problems. A year later, when he developed some indigestion after mowing the lawn, he went straight to the emergency room. Even though he had no chest pain, he knew that his symptoms could be a warning sign of an impending heart attack. His knowledge saved his life.

*50/32/5*

To wash the hair properly there is a simple routine that should be followed. It is basic but many men get it wrong.

First, using the tips of the fingers massage the scalp for one minute by pressing down firmly and using a rotating motion. Do not scratch or use fingernails. This massage stimulates the scalp and helps blood flow through to feed the hair roots as well as relax tightness or tension and, most important, loosens grime or dead skin cells ready for washing.

Under tepid water — not hot — soak the hair and then work in a small amount of shampoo. Gently, as in the massage. Let the cleansing properties of the shampoo do their work. This washing should last one minute.

Rinse thoroughly.

If you feel the hair needs a second shampoo follow the same gentle routine. Again rinse thoroughly. Clean hair will squeak as it is rinsed so keep rinsing until it does.

Towelling the hair dry, continue to be gentle. Never rub violently but pat the hair and firmly massage the head so that the towel absorbs all the moisture. Then reshape the hair using fingers or a wide-toothed comb. If you finish off with a hairdryer keep the nozzle well away from the hair so that the hair is not cooked and, if you can, leave just a little moisture on the hair so that the final drying is natural. This will ensure the hair still has bounce to it rather than be stiff and tortured.

*146/153/1*

It is unfortunate that one of the reactions to M-M is an inability to see any situation or happening in other than a bad light and to take any setback, however minor, as a personal affront or defeat. Nothing is quite what it should be or what you believe righteously it should be.

Without realizing what is happening many men complain privately and publicly at every turn and it is not until someone, a relative or friend, quite likely in ill-humour, points it out that they then notice how they are behaving. (Often they will believe their complaints are well justified nonetheless.)

Of course there is a lot in normal everyday life to complain about but it is difficult for anyone to be with a man who constantly grumbles and who appears impossible to please or permanently in a moaning mood. Around him tempers fray easily and people are inclined to shy away, short on sympathy. The sad fact is the more he complains the more likely he is to be disturbed by M-M and the more his emotional equilibrium is at risk.

If you are in a complaining phase and must complain, do so only about major issues or when complaint is fully justified. World affairs, politics or taxation seem acceptable areas and so possibly are occasions of faulty laundry service or restaurant food that is bad. But if you feel you must complain about your boss or about how badly your lover is treating you make sure you complain to someone with a sympathetic ear (who has not heard your complaints before) and permanently avoid complaining about how badly life is treating you.

As all therapists would advise, stop demanding sympathy. Get out and start trying to make the alterations you want to your life as it is your responsibility alone to sort out your life to your satisfaction. A man who complains incessantly is a bore, not sympathetic.

*110/153/1*

After the bad news, what can be said to have improved over the years for a man now between thirty-nine and forty-five? Not much.

Usually he is wiser, more compassionate, more understanding, more secure. Generally he becomes more concerned with relationships than with achievement — the obvious exception being the freelance man whose future depends on being able to accumulate capital in order to cushion his retirement. Instead of feeling propelled to compete at work or within the social circle, men after forty enjoy better relationships with their families and wish to be with sons and daughters more for leisure. They begin to enjoy friends and neighbours more. People begin to matter.

*73/153/1*

He also feels trapped. Even at the top of a successful career ladder and with a solid and secure company behind him he can feel trapped in his business world with a future offering no promise.

At the age of forty-plus and with at least twenty working years ahead, work has become a drudge. He wants change. He feels trapped by circumstances and hates himself for blindly getting himself into such a predicament.

For most men the rungs on the work ladder are obvious, each step clearly defined. With an equal amount of ability, flair, work achievement and luck the ladder can be steadily climbed. But for a man around forty the work world has shrunk. Promotion is harder to come by, the opportunities less. In fact, from thirty-five onwards opportunities within a company thin out and the possibility of switching to, or finding, work with stimulating or interesting prospects, equally rare. Something must be done.

In an effort to prove their worth, as much to themselves as to others, some take on excessive work loads. They need to impress. They work late, take paperwork home, work weekends. They are prone to stress and heart attacks.

*38/153/1*